Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Would you like fries with that?

i renewed my driving license today!!! YAY!! they cropped my photo...now my face looks super big and the ugly pinky cream background is so clashing with my photo background...sigh...they seriously need a few new designers in the government sector...

i like the old P license much better...!! but they cut off the corner so now i can't use that ever again... =(

my dad suggested i give it to Ivy, and use my Photoshop skills to scan her photo in...haha..

i've been reading 9 chapters of Marketing and my head is so full of words like Marketing Mix, Promotions, Market Segmentation etc. etc....my brain is crying out for humour!!!

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Cold blood

Who'd have thought a drop of blood could be so cleansing, so invigorating, make me feel so.....alive?

And so I cut myself, again and again..each time feeling that fresh surge of prickling pain. I watched the red poison drip onto the dirty brown rug, staining it with the evidence of my sanity.

What more is there to life? Surely there's nothing holding me back......

I close my eyes and lean back against the kitchen sink, awaiting....what? Death? Power? A will to live?? I let my thoughts wander....

And I'm back there..on that very day...standing next to him...

HIM! Anger surged through my veins and for a moment, i cannot breathe. My migrain is back.

How could he do this to me?? Ruin my life like one of his little experiments...I gazed up into his face, oblivious of my standing next to him. As always, I am invisible and he is god.

I tugged on his sleeve. Knowing how that would irritate him made me fear the consequences but I needed him to look at me. I had something to tell him. And so I tugged harder, pulling it out of shape.

He ignored me. I touched his face, his skin smooth under my hand. So familiar and yet so different from what I remember.

OWW! I'm starting to bleed really badly now. Is it cold in here or is it just me? Sitting in a pool of my own blood and nowhere to go. I should have a photo taken, just to remember this day.......if i live through it.

Back to the riverfront. He finally looks at me, irritation in his eyes. "Where the hell did you go?" he asked quietly, dangerously. I looked around.

"Nowhere. I was here all the time."

"LIAR!" he screamed. "YOU KNOW BLOODY WELL YOU LEFT ME ALONE!! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LEAVE ME ALONE??!! WHAT DO YOU WHEN YOU'RE NOT WITH ME?!?! BITCH!!"

He raised his hand...as i knew he would...I closed my eyes and awaited the blow.



Nothing.

I opened my eyes. He laughed. "You're so stupid. You seriously think I would hit you?? I love you! Come here." He held open his arms.

Trembling, I stepped into his embrace. He held me for a moment and I knew that it was now or never. "I'm pregnant."

With just a whisper, I caused his whole body to tense. He gripped my shoulders tight, so tight that it started to hurt. I tried to push him away but he was stronger, oh so much stronger.

"Is it mine?" He whispered back.

"I...I....I don't kn........"

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!" He pushed me away fiercely. I hit the edge of the railing.

He forgot. He forgot! All those times he made me sleep with other men for money. Money to pay our bills. How could he not remember?!!? Was this the man i married???

And then, it started. The first blow was to my right eye, catching me off guard and I stumbled to the ground. He leaned over me and continued hitting me.

"NO!" A fist to my stomach.

"STOP!" He punched my mouth and I tasted blood.

"Please........" My wails fell on deaf ears. There's not stopping him now. He's mad, I realized.

All those times I took a beating, I told myself it was all my fault. I made him angry. I wasn't good enough. I covered my body with extra large clothing, thinking that if I hid the bruises, they would go away. And afterwards, he would cry and plead for my forgiveness, saying he couldn't help it and that he loves me. Every. Single. Time. I took him back!!

His punches got more violent. It was like he didn't even know what he was doing anymore. I couldn't see him, my eyes were quickly becoming swollen. I pleaded with him to stop. To think of the baby. Anything! Just so that he would stop!!

I couldn't feel my legs. Are they broken? It's hard to tell. Tears streamed down my face and I wept into my sleeves. I tried to curl myself into a coccoon, to protect my baby.

Finally he stopped. Or had I stopped breathing? I could feel nothing, hear nothing, see nothing. Pure silence surrounded me. Am I in heaven? Why couldn't I see?

Suddenly, a voice appeared above me. A soft quiet voice.

"I can love you no more." And then an explosion.

Pain surrounded me and everything went black.

A few months later, I woke up in a hospital with a drip on my arm and my stomach killing me. I was told that I had been shot twice, one bullet narrowly missing my kidneys. My baby, I asked the nurse. She shook her head. The other bullet didn't miss.

Two days later, I got up the courage to ask about him.

"There was no one with you when we got called in, ma'am."

"Who made the call?"

"An anonymous resident, he said u'd been shot and we should hurry. When the paramedics got there, you were all alone. You're lucky we got there in time, ma'am. Another few minutes and you would have bled to death."

****
A letter was waiting for me the next day. The nurse brought it in.
It simply said
When you're better, I'll be waiting.
****
So you see, I have no choice. I HAVE to kill myself before HE kills me! I'm not going through that again. I'm not going to risk it.
Goodbye. I closed my eyes to wait. It's almost time now. I felt numb everywhere and I couldn't think straight. But strangely, my ears are drawned to the tv. The news was on.
"Tim Roberts was captured today, admitting to killing his wife, Rina Frost, and unborn child with two gunshot wounds on November 7th last year. His wife's body is still yet to be found but is believed to have been decapitated and disposed off in different areas around the country......"
No.................I'm alive!! I'm right here!! I'm not dead!! I can't be!! I'd know if I was dead!!! Look!! I'm bleeding!! You can't bleed it you're not alive!!!
I looked down frantically at my arms. I wasn't bleeding. But I don't understand......I DID cut myself...I......Is this even possible?? I looked around me.
No wonder everything seemed different. This isn't my house anymore. Footsteps headed towards me. The door swung open.
"And here is the kitchen. A little bit small but still very functional. Oh dear! What is this on the rug? Someone must have spilt juice all over it. Oh well, it can be thrown away...Oops! Haha! Oo! I felt like I tripped over something. When you're as old as me, your feet slows down but your brain doesn't! Ah HA! I'm still sharp as a whistle! Yessiree! Come on, I'll show you the backyard."

Thy Kingdom Come!

My babies..copyrighted!